


(Not) In the Mood

by downtowndystopia



Category: Glee
Genre: Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Medication, light dub con
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-15
Updated: 2014-05-15
Packaged: 2018-01-24 21:31:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,362
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1617743
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/downtowndystopia/pseuds/downtowndystopia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He knows that Kurt’s OCD has gotten worse since they moved to LA and he knows that it needs to be treated. That's not to say that the treatment hasn't come without it's own set of problems; namely the fact that they hadn't had sex since Kurt was started on a low dose of SSRI... over two weeks ago.</p>
            </blockquote>





	(Not) In the Mood

**Author's Note:**

> When I say dub-con I mean really light like no clothes are even remotely removed light. Kurt has OCD but it's not a main part of it, it's more the side effects of the SSRI. It's for this prompt at the gkm: http://glee-kink-meme.livejournal.com/48822.html?thread=62788278#t62788278 (but I made it a bit more vanilla because honestly the idea of writing full on dub con squicks me a bit)

Blaine is...confused. He knows that Kurt’s OCD has gotten worse since they moved to LA and he knows that it needs to be treated. His heart honestly bleeds for Kurt; seeing him act even worse than he had when his father had been waiting on a diagnosis two years ago. The organization, the anxiety, god the blue socks. It all falls down to his inability to function; so he is completely on board for treatment the second Kurt agrees to it and still is. That's not to say that the treatment hasn't come without it's own set of problems; namely the fact that they hadn't had sex since Kurt was started on a low dose of SSRI... over two weeks ago. Blaine knows that two weeks is not a long time to go without sex and the impulses have gotten so much better; and really does try to ignore it. He's not letting it get to him, there is a lot more to being with Kurt than sex and he knew from the get go that this is a very common side effect and that it shouldn't be permanent.

A month later still without any hint of sex in the future, he is starting to wonder how long until Kurt’s sex drive is back to normal. They've talked about it, of course; Blaine mentioned it tentatively after Kurt shrugged away from him the third night he started the medication when he tried to unbutton Kurt’s pants. Kurt said that he just wasn't “feeling it” that night and maybe they could try tomorrow. The next day yielded the same results and Kurt felt terrible so of course Blaine told him not to worry about it, that it's just a side effect and if it's helping him that the sex can wait, that when Kurt is feeling it, and only then, he'll be more than happy to go back to how it was. Kurt tries to believe him.

Kurt feels the guilt build up slowly throughout the first week; by the end of the month he feels terrible. There had been a time when he'd get antsy with Blaine if they went longer than a couple days without sex (a week and two days was their record before Kurt started the SSRIs). Kurt is told to slowly up his dosage however and his sex drive still hasn't returned after a month. He's caught Blaine moaning helplessly in the shower countless times and he wants nothing more than to join him and finish him off like a good fiancé but the second he tries he feels this barrier and he just—can't; he can't do it. He speaks to his therapist about it who assures him that this is perfectly normal but it doesn't feel normal it feels like he is failing Blaine. He wouldn't dare tell Blaine this obviously; it would only hurt to hear Blaine try to placate him while Kurt knows what his fiancé really wants (and knows that he can't give it to him). 

Kurt starts to panic once they hit the one month mark; he trusts Blaine, he truly does, but he tries to imagine himself how he was before going over a month without any intimacy from Blaine and he honestly can't imagine it; even when they were apart they had skype sex bi-weekly at least. He's not worried about Blaine's fidelity but he can't help wondering how much longer he can put the person he loves through this. He considers a lot of things; going off the medication (but it's been helping so much with his OCD he hasn't had an anxiety attack in weeks), giving Blaine a “free pass” on weekends to do what he pleases (the thought makes him literally sick and he has to make an excuse about bad chicken to placate Blaine), he considers leaving (only for a second; he is too selfish to even finish that thought) but nothing seems to fit both of their needs. All he knows is that he will need to do something eventually or risk losing the precious thing that they have.

One month, three weeks later with no sign of Kurt’s sex drive perking up he decides to just do it; to bite the bullet and have sex with Blaine. He loves Blaine and he is so attracted to Blaine and even if he can't get it up it doesn't mean he can't do something for Blaine in the meantime. He sets up while Blaine is at work, makes a nice candle-lit dinner with their favourite brand of Merlot, sets up the bedroom (making sure they're still stocked which they are, Kurt doesn't know why they wouldn't in hindsight). By the time Blaine gets home at 6 everything is ready and Kurt is waiting at the table, dinner already served. 

“Kurt?” Blaine asks hesitantly.  
“Welcome home,” Kurt breathes, his nerves possibly showing. This will be the first night in almost two months since they've had sex; he's sad to find that he isn't as excited as he should be.

“Is there a special occasion I forgot about?” Blaine laughs, sitting down across from Kurt. “This looks delicious by the way.” 

Kurt smiles and takes Blaine’s hand. “Do I need a special occasion to make my fiancé dinner?” he retorts. 

“Of course not,” Blaine agrees and starts eating; Kurt pours them both a glass of wine, his own a bit more generous than Blaine’s. “Whoa there,” Blaine laughs as Kurt keeps pouring the wine into his glass way past the halfway mark. “That's a bit much don't you think? You're not trying to get drunk on me are you?” Blaine jokes.

Kurt's eyes flash with something unidentifiable before smiling and pouring some of his wine into Blaine’s glass. “Of course not sweetie, just lost attention for a second,” he says before gulping down a large sip, wincing a bit at the burning aftertaste from drinking so much in one sip. “This food is delicious, I should really cook more,” he deflects.

“Kurt are you okay?” Blaine asks with concern. “You seem kind of nervous--or agitated? You're sure I didn't miss an anniversary or something? I know we have like five by now.”

“No, no nothing is the matter,” Kurt says. “The opposite of, in fact. I think tonight could...be the night?” 

“The night?” Blaine parrots. Kurt blushes and Blaine clues in. “Oh-oh uh-Kurt not that I don't want to—I mean I really, really want to, but are you sure?”

Kurt pretends to think about it, of course he isn't sure but he isn't going to put Blaine through this for another hour let alone how long it might take him to get his sex drive back. “Let's go to the bedroom,” he says instead. “Dinner can wait, I’m hungry for something else right now.”

The line convinces Blaine who follows eagerly to their bedroom. Kurt starts kissing Blaine immediately before they can even get on the bed, undoing some of the buttons on Blaine’s shirt in the process. It takes Blaine an embarrassingly short amount of time before Kurt Kurt feels the hard press of Blaine through his pants which makes Kurt’s freeze for a second. “You okay?” Blaine asks, but his sincerity isn't as strong as it was at the dinner table; it's been weeks since he has even gotten this far with Kurt and he is kind of desperate. 

“Yeah of course,” Kurt manages before palming Blaine through his pants. Blaine moans loudly and Kurt lets muscle memory guide him through, even though he feels nothing (why doesn't he feel anything?). “Gonna' let you fuck me tonight,” Kurt whispers into Blaine’s ear, palming him harder as Blaine lets out a strangled moan that makes Kurt’s insides twist up in an unpleasant way. Blaine adds tongue to the kiss, drowning out some of his moans and Kurt wonders if he can get him off through his pants without having to actually do anything he really doesn't want to do (without having to question why he doesn't want to do it). 

Blaine turns Kurt around and pins him to the bed, straddling him; thrusting down and Kurt can't help it, he starts to cry. He wants to be good for Blaine but doesn't think he can do this, he can't--

“Shit Kurt are you crying?” Blaine asks, practically jumping off Kurt and walking to the other side of the room as if he's been electrified by Kurt’s discomfort. 

“No, no of course not—shit,” Kurt whimpers. “I'm sorry this is so bad it's been two months I'm out of practice,” Kurt lies, grabbing at Blaine to come back. “I'll be good for you okay I'm sorry I'm just out of practice okay?” He repeats.

“Kurt you're perfect for me, please don't do something you're not comfortable with. I love you,” he says.

Kurt's facade completely crumbles and Blaine turns to comfort him (thankfully his erection has wilted as well; he really doesn't want to make Kurt feel any more uncomfortable). “Don't cry baby, don't cry,” he murmurs, rubbing circles into a still-crying Kurt’s back.  
“I'm s-sorry,” Kurt chokes out. “I want to be enough for you—I want to be a good fiancé but I just can't--” 

“Enough for me?” Blaine says. “Kurt you are the love of my life, you are my everything; that will always be enough for me,” he says.

Kurt laughs bitterly, “Please,” he bites. “I know you've been frustrated for weeks, waiting for me to snap out of it.”

“Okay,” Blaine starts. “Yes, of course I've been horny and of course I want to be intimate with you again but not if you aren't a willing participant.” 

Kurt hits his head lightly against the headboard in frustration. “I'm just so angry with myself I know you say that I’m enough for you but what if I don't snap out of it for months huh? What if years from now I still can't bring myself to have sex?” 

Blaine pauses; he honestly hadn't considered that. “Kurt you aren't doing anything wrong by not wanting sex,” he says instead. “And I’m going to love you no matter what even if we never have sex again I mean it'll suck but we'll get by. There are couples where one of them is sexual and the other is asexual--”

“I'm not asexual, Blaine,” Kurt interrupts.

“I know but there are couples like that who get by just fine. This might be temporary but if its not we'll figure it out okay?” he says with certainty. 

Kurt nods and hugs Blaine hard. “I love you so much,” he mutters into Blaine’s shoulder. 

“Please don't force yourself to do something you don't want to do ever again,” Blaine says sternly. “Just because we've had sex for years doesn't mean we can't stop or even take a break from it okay?”

“Okay,” Kurt smiles. “I am so lucky to have you,” he admits.

“I'm lucky too trust me,” Blaine says. “The luckiest guy in the entire world, actually” he echos with a smile. “But I have to know; is it the sex and intimacy that you're against or just the sex?” he asks.

“What do you mean?” Kurt enquires, sitting up a bit from his embrace in Blaine’s arms.  
“You haven't kissed me, or touched me intimately—and I don't mean sexually, in weeks. The sex was hard to lose but I can masturbate and its fine. Feeling romantically frustrated is a lot harder because I can't cuddle myself while watching a movie exactly.”

“I didn't realize I was doing that,” Kurt admits. Blaine wasn't as sexual as Kurt was but he craves touch and intimacy. Blaine needs to feel loved and when he doesn't that is when the issues start; Kurt knows that. “I'm so sorry Blaine--”

“Kurt you don't have to apologize--”

“No I really do,” Kurt says. “Not for the sex, I can't do anything about that, but from pulling away from you and making you feel unloved and insecure I’m sorry, truly.”

“I love you so much,” Blaine goes to kiss him but pauses. “I-I'm sorry I don't--” he feels like a teenager again, when they were in their first few weeks of their relationship; except this time its not a nervous flutter but a scared tension.

“Blaine,” Kurt says sternly. “You can kiss me, I’m so sorry to make you think that you can't kiss me or cuddle me or god even hug me,” he says. 

“But you can, okay? You don't need my permission to do that, you're my fiance and I’m not okay with heavy making out or anything that would lead to sex but I’m so okay with being with you okay?”  
Blaine has a couple tears in his eyes—of relief. More than anything he missed Kurt; not the sex or getting off or any of that but just being with Kurt he missed more than anything.  


“I love you so much; I can't say it enough”  
  
“You can try,” Kurt quips with a smirk that Blaine just has to kiss.  
  


“I” kiss “love” kiss “you” kiss. “So much,” he says looking straight into Kurt’s eyes.  
  


“And I you,” Kurt replies. “Now, lets go finish that dinner I made and then we can cuddle and watch a move or just, I don't know, stare into each others' eyes lovingly.”  
  


“I'm definitely up for that,” Blaine breathes.  
  


“I think we're going to be okay,” Kurt says in reply.  
  


And it is, because their love means a lot more than mutual orgasms every day. Kurt knows that their love is stronger than sex, and when his sex drive does eventually come back (along with his sense of appetite ironically enough—side effects are a bitch) he knows that Blaine isn't using him as a means to an end, not even after all the time they've gone without it's still pure, concentrated love. That's what makes it real and that's what makes it last; they're soulmates by definition of the word and they'll live out their entire lives together knowing that. Bumps in the road can only make them stronger.


End file.
